Before you read this post, I encourage you to read this post first, Parenting for the Heart.

If you have read this post as a result of the above link, you will have noticed the following portion, in the Ground Your Authority in God section.  However, if you had already read this post, you will have missed it, so here it is for you…

If I may also note that this is not something that you should start [grounding your authority in God] as your children move into “those” years.  For example, with my five year old, when I am “disciplining” him, I will usually say something like the following: You are not honouring and obeying Your Creator, and while You are choosing not to, Dad and Mum will continue to do so, which is why… grounded in Prov. 3:11, 12, which one then goes on to explain what will happen with his “consequences” next!

What, you the parent, are also affirming by communicating in such a manner is that God’s wisdom and plan is the standard and goal for living one’s life, that you are God’s steward in your parenting role, and that His will, should be our way!

The reason why I am wanting to devote a post to the context of this piece, is that it contains a text of Scripture that I believe can revolutionise the perspective of the disciplining of your children, as you ground it in the love of the God-Head!

Here is the text in full, from Proverbs 3…

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof,

12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

This can be further exemplified as this text is quoted in the New Testament.  In the book of Hebrews, this text is part of a section dealing with discipline as an affirmation of son-ship.

Here is the section of Scripture from Hebrews 12…

3 Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.  4 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.  5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons?

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,and chastises every son whom he receives.”

7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Take note of the verses that follow…

12 Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. 14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. 15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; 16 that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. 17 For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears.

The connection between verses 3-11 and verses 12-13 should be noted.  As the beginning of verse 11 makes clear, For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant.  In other words, if our discipline only focuses on the present, and if we as parents do not provide a bigger picture of what is actually taking place, the fruit of this redemptive moment, can be lost, as the second portion of verse 11 affirms, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  The fruit in discipline of our children has a prospective fulfillment, which means we must help to both key into this, and provide some resources to help foster and encourage this reality.

This is why, in light of this reality, Scripture deals with a possible reality at such times… Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.

What should be made clear is that the pursuit of disciplining our children is not easy (which the fallen reality of humanity, should have also informed our perspective), nor is the fruit of this always seen in the present, which means we must have prophetic eyes as parents, and also take note of verses 12 and 13 for ourselves, as we too can very easily get discouraged, can easily get caught up in the emotion of the moment, and can easily fail to remember that maturation is a life-long process, which means the fruit of your parenting may not reach fulfillment right at the present, however, your faithfulness in the present parenting process needs a present fulfillment.

Given all that has been affirmed to date, it is paramount that we must discipline for the heart, that we discipline with such a philosophy that encourages an inward manifestation and transformation of our children, from the inside out!

The following points may be some principles that help to encourage this redemptive reality, with those God has placed under your stewarded care…

1) Discipline is Grounded in God’s Interaction with His Children

This is not a confrontation of Man vs. Wild, with the parent playing the masculine role.  This is the parent following and mimicking the ultimate parent in how He loves His children.  For this to really hit home, your children must have a biblical perspective on the reality and character of God.  If your children understand the love of God, which is ultimately exemplified in the life, death, and resurrection of the Messiah, Jesus Christ, then the canvas in their minds of the conception and perception in what is taking place will be transformed.

While this is impressive, this can be made even more explicit, as biblically, few things say, “I Love You,” to your children like your discipling of them.  Now, I feel the need to ask you to stop laughing!  Now your children may struggle to conceive of such a reality, but this is the counter-culture reality that Prov. 3:11-12 is claiming.  What we need to do as parents is inculcate and contextualise this reality for our children… continually and consistently!

To do this you must both right size sin and right size God!

If sin is a clear and present danger, with an eternal shadow cast by its reality, then if your children have an understanding of the seriousness of this danger, they will better understand why you must deal with it so seriously.

Symbiotically, when your children understand about Who God Is, What He Has Done For Them, What He Has Planned For Them, they will better conceive and SEE Who it is who is calling for such an action!

In other words, if God is Who the Bible says He Is… and He Is, and this is how He interacts with His children, such is a marvelous reality if we are seeking to do likewise.  The key then, is for us parents, to be able communicate, exemplify, and underscore this to our children.

2) Remember God’s Long-Suffering with the Immaturity of His Children

This one is for you Parent!  Meditate on Scripture texts such as Phil. 1:6, where God has committed to His children for the long run!  God is not in the business with His children to impose a “do this or else” philosophy.  Just think of how many times you fall short of the glory of God each and every day, and throughout all of these occasions, the persistent love and Fatherly consistency and persistence of God, who views such realities, not only through His Son, but also with a long-term reality in view, commits to finishing what He has started in His children.

Seriously Parent, you and I both need to think about this more often, and I will illustrate why.  Recently, I was sensing some internal frustration with my eldest and some attitudes that were presenting them self.  Nevertheless, I pressed on, and proceeded to sin in like manner.  Upon reflection, realising this, I was not only thankful for the grace of God in my own life, but I also was reminded of my insufficiency, but also of my need to discipline out of this frame of reference, not only because this is right, but also because this reflects the way that God interacts with His children.

The radical nature of God’s grace in Jesus Christ will further define your perspective on parenting, and will help you to model, very incompletely and imperfectly, the Fatherhood of God!

On the other hand, if you do not remember and inculcate these realities, you can easily allow frustration to impact your interactive times of discussion and discipline, where you will fail to show the love and grace of the Father!  This will also encourage you to be solely fruit focused, as your frustration wants everything to be right… right NOW, and if such is not repented of, things can only get better worse, as we can too often and too easily justify such responses, which both provide an incomplete picture of God, His relationship with His children, how He shows this love, with the result that our pursuit of parenting sinfully suffers.

3) Discipline Makes it Clear that You Are My Child

While this may seem too simple for words, such a point underscores the prospective point of disciplining.  God willing, the fruit of this will be seen in connection with the process of discipline, but such a context of discipline should actually increase the bond between parent and child, particularly at the time of their life when such a foundation is built, in the early years.

Building on the previous points, one is able to affirm that a lack of discipline is actually a sign of illegitimacy, as verse 8 affirms, If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons, thereby underscoring and affirming that discipline is an ultimate sign of intimacy.  Yes, intimacy.

If such is true, let your children know this reality, but be prepared to live this out!

4) Discipline Screams out, ” I Love You”

What this ultimately means is that disciplining our children is one of the ultimate acts of love between a parent and a child.  Because this is true, such a reality should get to the core of those whom we are shepherding, and if it is not, and let’s face it, such is usually how parents do not think about this, then not only are we missing God’s perspective on this issue, but we are depriving our children of the glory of God in the pursuit of disciplining.

If we truly grasp, as an integrative reality, what love looks like, we will understand that it involves doing what is best for the child, and if this is framed in the context of disciplining, that the Word of God makes clear, each time you “discipline” your child, you are ministering the love of God, through the love of your parenting.

Not only this, but you are affirming that you delight in this child.  Delight?  Yes, you can say to that child of yours, the reason I am disciplining you is because I delight in you, like God delights in us… and you would be biblical!  You know what, if we said it with tears in our eyes, like we really meant it, our children would probably believe us!

This is also where it gets tragic.  Why so?

Because  too often, our culture and those in it, view discipline as the environment where Dad and Mum get frustrated or angry with their children, and parent out of this perspective.  No wonder this alienates the children under such a regime, and no wonder the fruit of such a philosophy is foreign to the biblical way of doing things.  As a footnote, no wonder people fail to truly grasp why and how a smack on the hand or bottom can truly communicate love for the child.

On other hand, grasping hold of the reality that discipline is one of the most radical forms of love, which means the things spoken of above, need to be absent, or when necessary, repented of, we are able to provide a whole new paradigm to those under our care, which should radicalise not only the concept of love, but the concept of consequences.

Conclusion

All too often, given the nature of the worldview of our given cultures, which are antithetical to the biblical frame of reference, we are left trying to defend or hold onto our position, particularly in this context.  One of the problems of such a position is that the discussion of discipline is framed in defensive or negative garb, which seeks to justify what is happening to an antagonistic source that seeks to delegitimise what God has affirmed.

In the context of disciplining our children, particularly as it relates to corporeal forms of discipline, the “noise” of this debate has dominated too much talk, and it is time for us to positively communicate why biblical discipline is a radical reality of the love of God, mediated through the love of the parent.  If this is true, and it is, not only do we need to grasp hold of this for ourselves, and communicate this to others, but most significantly, this must also affect not only the way we discipline>parent, but the way we talk about disciplining>parenting.  We must get truth into the streets!

Not only will this transform the way you understand this reality, it will also empower you, by God’s grace, in the power of the Holy Spirit, to discipline your children in such a way that encourages such interactions with your children to communicate into the depth of their beings, in the place where true transform begins, the heart!

May it be so, in this day!

Onward and Upward

Jonny Boy

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